Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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