I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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