The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
