your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
