I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
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Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
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Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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