So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
