dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize