There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
