i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
