is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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