I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
