Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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