Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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