Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
