i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
