girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
