at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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