It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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