Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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