Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
