They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
