I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
