You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
