I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
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Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
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I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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