I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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