I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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