don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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