Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
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Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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