I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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