so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize