they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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