And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
