you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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