the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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