I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
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It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
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feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
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