My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
