Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
