Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
