i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
