I am in a vortex of obligation.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
