I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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