he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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