Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
