let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
