i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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