have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
