She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
