Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
