but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
