My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
