who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
