I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm bleeding and have questions
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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