So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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