I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
