My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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