we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
