i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
