I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
