ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
