You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
