best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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