around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
