sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
