All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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