I need help removing her.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize