But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Your cock deserves a montage
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
