Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
