this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
