I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
