Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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