i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
